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July 20 Being a GeorgianThings I have learned being a Georgian
1- Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
2- There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia.
3- There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia plus a couple no one's seen before.
4- Squirrels will eat anything.
5- Unknown critters love to dig holes under tomato plants.
6- Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.
7- If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
8- Onced and twiced are words.
9- It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.
10- Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.
11- People actually grow and eat okra.
12- Fixinto is one word.
13- There is no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner and then there is supper.
14- Ice-tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!
15- Backards and forwards means "I know everything about you."
16- Jeet? Is actually a phrase meaning, "Did you eat?'
17- You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.
18- You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
July 11 You Know you're from Georgia if:You know you're from Georgia if:
You measure distance in minutes.
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
You use "fix" as a verb, Example: I'm fixing to go to the store."
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
You know what a "DAWG" is.
You carry jumper cables in your car... for your OWN car.
You only own four spices: salt, pepper, tabasco and ketchup.
The local papers cover national & international news on one page but require 6 pages for local gossip & sports.
You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
You find 100 degrees fahrenheit "a little warm".
You know all 4 seasons: Almost Summer, summer, still summer and Christmas.
You know whether another Georgian is from Atlanta, North or South Georgia as soon as they open their mouth.
Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-Martin" or "off to Wally World".
You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather.
A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop... it's a coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinda coke do you want?"
Fried catfish is the other white meat.
We don't need no stinking driver's ed... If our Mama says we can drive, we can drive.
You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from Georgia. (And those who just wish they were). Not EVERYONE can be a Georgian, it's an art form and a gift from God!
April 09 Cooking DiaryThis Week's Cooking Diary
Monday-
I decided I was going to cook for my husband Danny. Today, I made an angel food cake. The recipe said to beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
Tuesday-
Danny wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said to serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Danny brought a friend home for supper.
Wednesday-
A good day for rice. The recipe said to wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly, but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.
Thursday-
Today, Danny asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said to prepare the ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce an hour before serving. Danny asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.
Friday-
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said to put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must be something wrong with the recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.
Saturday-
Danny did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. For some reason he keeps counting to ten.
Sunday-
We had some people over for dinner. I wanted to serve a roast, but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly, I had a flash of genius, I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.
GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY
This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Danny. If I can talk him into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a Chocolate Moose. March 01 Southern WomenSouthern Women
Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin
A winning smile
That unforgettable Southern drawl.
Southern women know their manners:
"Yes, ma'am"
"Yes, sir."
"Why, no, Billy!"
Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions:
"y' all come back!"
"Well bless your heart."
"Drop by when you can."
"How's your Momma?"
Southern women Know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity
Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The beach
The beach
Southern women know the joys of June, July and August:
Summer tans
Colorful hi-heel sandles
Strapless sun dresses
Souther women know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah
Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind
Southern women know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Football
Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy
Grits
Country ham
Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly.
Southern womem know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Charleston (Chawl'stn)
Savannah (S'vanah)
Atlanta (Addlanna)
New Orleans (N'awlins)
Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler, of course!
Southern women know their prime real estate:
The mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon
Southern women know the four deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
Wearing too much makeup in the summer
Southern women know men may come and go,
but friends are fahevah!
If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your heart, fake it.
We know you got here as fast as you could......!!!
God knew what he was doing when he made Southern Women!!!!
February 13 BitchologyBITCHOLOGY
When I stand up for Myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.
When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a bitch.
Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.
When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch.
The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish. It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be. I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed.
And if that makes me a bitch, so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.
B = Babe I = In T = Total C = Control of H = Herself
B = Beautiful I = Intelligent T = Talented C = Charming H = Hell of a Womam
B = Beautiful I = Individual T = That C = Can H = Handle anything
October 07 Does this really happen?I know that there are people in this world that has or will ride their horse drunk. I can not tell a lie because I am guilty of doing it in my younger days. I can't say that I let my dog drive.
OK I know that cops check your cars speed with a radar gun, but do they really do that on horse back?
You must be a redneck if you jack your truck up with 2x4's.
Can anyone get more stupid!
To top it all off.... God Bless his sweet pea picking little ole heart. I think that this cop got the piss scared out of him. lol
I guess if that big bad man can do it, I want feel that bad if it ever happens to me.
September 16 Redneck Home Remedies Redneck Home Remedies
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic.
Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and Presto! The
blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by
simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few
minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent
you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit
the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then
you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad tooth ache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and
you will forget about the tooth ache.
Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools. WD-40 and Duct tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
Remember:
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
If you woke up breathing, Congratulations!
You get another chance! September 10 Border Bash 2005 GO DAWGS!!!!!
Border Bash 2005
Here in Augusta, Ga. we have what we call a border bash. It's one huge party for the Georgia and South Carolina fans of all ages! I am a Dawg fan and my best friend is a cock fan and we will have our battle in front of the big screen this afternoon. September 04 Red Neck Horoscope Red Neck Horoscope
Okra (Dec.22-Jan. 20) Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okra's have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.
Chitlin (Jan. 21- Feb. 19) Chitlins come from humble back grounds. A Chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has lots of seasonings. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.
Boll Weevil (Feb. 20- Mar.20) You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bare deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right minds is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.
Moon Pie (Mar.21- Apr20) You're the type that sounds a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are thye key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Or- maybe not.
Possum (Apr 21- May 21) When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work and you may find your problems actually running you over.
Crawfish (May 22- June 21) Crawfish ia a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bath tub to the living room. You tend to be not particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.
Collards (June 22- July 23) Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essence of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball mamagers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.
Catfish (July 24- Aug. 23) Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You Catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clean surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.
Grits (Aug. 24- Sept. 23) Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy, bacon, butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.
Boiled Peanuts (Sept 24- Oct 23) You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your personality is much to salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.
Butter Beans (Oct 24- Nov. 22) Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sir next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.
Armadillo (Nov. 23- Dec. 21) You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throw back. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your intersts and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another somewhat kinky, mating possibility.
Just a little something to think about!!!!!!! August 22 Whats in a sign?"WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE AMERICAN"
This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Philadelphia. You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement. One would think anti-hate groups from all across the country would be marching on this business... and that the National Guard might have to be called in to keep the angry crowds back. But, perhaps in these stressful times one might be tempted to let the proprietors simply make their statement......
We are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty. And after all, it is just a sign.
You may ask what kind of business would dare post such a sign?
Answer: A Funeral Home!!!!!!
(Who said Morticians had no sense of humor?)
You gotta love it !!!!!
God Bless America !!!!!!!!!!!!!! August 14 It never ceases to amaze me...It never ceases to amaze me at what some people will wear to the beach. What has this guy thinking of when he walked out of his house that day and sported this, this, this damn I don't know what to call it on a public beach.
 Do ya think he thougt he looked sexy? (not in my book) I would have to lock up my husband and any men I know rather than let them loose on our beach's dressed in that thingy this guy considers swin wear. Is this what all the women out there been waiting for in the newest in men's swim wear? Boy oh boy I sure hope not!!!! I don't know what hurt the worse, my heart from the shock of seeing this or my sides from laughing my butt off. I think I would rather see a man in a speedo than the big rubber band looking thing. Happy sunbathing on the beach everyone..... August 09 The man is going to ask 1 time to many...I can't help but wonder if my man is the only male out there that does this or is it with some, most or even all men.
I know that all couples out there never agree on every thing and even have heated talks with a bit of door slamming. So why is it when this happens my man Scott always aks me "I guess you are fed up with me now and want a divorce" (give me a damn break) ha. I tell him you are going to ask that question just one time to many and the answer will be one big fat YES. It makes me just want to boop him on the ears, you know, with both hands and tell him to shut the F*@^ UP! Why do guys do or say that? I am at my wits end and they are frayed really bad. It reminds me of an old boyfriend I had many moons ago. He would always ask me to marry him and I kept telling him no. I figured just one day that I would tell him yes so you would stop asking me, well guess what? I never saw him again after that. Makes one think about it. I would hate to say yes to his question because I would be the one to just up and disapear this time.
Kellie June 26 Can't catch a break!I was getting ready for bed Friday night with the thought that I was going to have a free day Sat. Scott my husband was going to work and my Grandson was going to spend the day with a friend. I had my all alone day all planned out. I was really looking forward to the day. As I was cutting off all the lights and locking all the doors for the night the phone rings. I answer the phone at 11:30 and My son is on the other end. Whats up I ask him. We are on our way down from Alabama for the weekend. (that would be my son, Brandy and their son Jayden "2 yr old") They pull up at 2 a.m. My Saturaday alone is shot to hell. The visit is great but I really needed the down time. Well they are still here and it is Sunday afternoon. I am going to get my alone time after all. They are going to baby sit Justin and I am getting in my car and going to Wally World."Wal-mart" O.K. I'm off until the next time I come into bitch. tehe Kella June 19 I'm a newby to the blog sceneHi to who ever reads this, I am new to the blog thingy. My name is Kella and I am a Hobby Dog Breeder. I breed Chihuahua's, Collie's, German Shepherd's, Weimaraner's and Yorkshire Terriers. I love what I do until the puppies get old enough to make great big messes. Then it is time for them to go! I just had my daughters boyfriend leave out the 16 of June to go over-seas. I hate this war. I know Jay will make it back safe and sound. My daughter Ashley is a wreck right now, I try and make it better for her, it's going to be a long summer. Jay has to be gone for 4 months. This does help a little putting my thoughts down in here. June 19, 2005 Kella Stallworth |
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